My Online Diary

August 30, 2013

Today I am starting this my online diary about me , my endless struggle to succeed and why I never give up.

Morning
Right now I am on my couch in my PJs and my daughters little Min Pin mix is cuddled up next to me
eating a dog treat. I have to go do a number of things today. I am not sure how the day will go but regardless it will.  I am going to be writing about my days and how I survived them. This may be the most boring online diary or it may be a grand adventure. Either way I am hoping it inspires my writing because my writing mojo is trickling where it once flowed like a river.

Evening

So I did it I made it through the day. My friend who had lung cancer removed is doing so much better.
I still am feeling uninspired to write. I miss the way words flow out of my mind like waves.

My ex father in law had the police called on him by his wife for washing the dishes too loud at 6am and I think sometimes Ive got it bad. He is the father of my first husband , I'm on number 3 and the last I am  hoping, but he is still like a dad to me. He's been married to her for 50 years and they sleep in separate bedrooms. She also  called the police on him for vacuuming one morning. He won't divorce her because she wouldn't be able to take care of herself and she won't divorce him because she couldn't take care of herself. Everyone thinks she is getting dementia. The police still come and try to reason with her that vacuuming is a good thing and having a husband that does housework is  also. So that was the highlight of my morning. I worry about him and her and getting old but then there is the this clothing line I am desperately trying to get started , my first documentary I am trying to get filmed and time just keeps marching on.

We spent a lot of time trying to get pregnant also. Fertility treatments, weight gain and 2 miscarriages. I have given up for now. If things with the clothing line and movie go well I have decided to get a donor egg. I already have 2 children of my own, a step daughter I helped raise and she has two children. My husband is younger than me and loves children. It is heart breaking that I can't get pregnant or stay pregnant but life goes on . There is so much liven to do. I have no desire to sit around and mope about anything because that is not the way to get things done plus its negative and destructive. I went to our family doctor and got started on a weight loss program to add to my exercise plan. Now Ill see in a few months where Im at.

Oh i did see Erick today. I love his truck. While he was in Tallahassee Fl visiting some childhood friends he ran into another homeless man who painted his truck for him. Its painted like the american flag then a peace sign on the hood. He gave me two hibiscus plants. I am helping him with some paper work. Were all going to Colorado Springs Colorado to finish the film in October. I am really looking forward to the adventure. Erick will be seeing his mom and brother whom he hasn't seen for a long time. Erick never complains about his lot in life. He finds ways to make the world a better place and he is always so kind and big hearted. I wish there were more hearts like his. I feel like he has become one of our kids. I worry about him and request he call me weekly so I know he is ok. He once told me that everyone needs a family and to be loved. I hope he knows he is and we feel like he is part of our family.

August 31,2013

This morning I accomplished 3 mile speed walking . My husband and I met up with his sister and her husband for a breakfast at a family loved breakfast spot. My sister in law is warming up to me which is nice. It really makes my husband happy to spend time with his sister even if its only breakfast once every 4 months seeing she lives in Tampa. We then went to meet the folks from church signed up to prepare lunch /dinner for the families at Opportunity Place a family shelter in Fort Walton Beach.  The youth from youth group prepared and cooked hamburgers , hot dogs and the trimmins.

I received a really sweet message from a new friend of mine and it made me smile. It feels good to feel loved.